are you cross?

we're pregnant.

it was really hard for me to register the thought as i was clutching the positive-indicated home pregnancy testkit (hpt) in my hand, for fear of it not being true and at the same time overwhelmed by the feeling of euphoria. it was the most beautiful feeling and i wouldn't mind re-living that moment everyday.

it all started sometime early november, during the first weekend, when i felt a little sore in both breasts similar to those i experience prior to my period. this was followed by a few days of lower abdominal discomfort and subsequently, period cramp-like discomfort. all normal symptoms a week or so before my period. so, when the tenderness stayed on and the period did not come, even after 2 weeks, i started to panic, thinking all sorts of bad things, medically. to justify my fears, i would have to tell another story, one regarding my hormonal imbalance. hmm, i thought i was seeing the onset of early menopause. what a laugh right? but as the days grew into weeks, i started feeling, erm, different.

first, there is a really funny taste in my mouth, one that only goes away temporarily when i have food in my mouth, so long as i have food in my mouth, even if it was a gum drop. the funny taste can be described as sucking and/or licking on a piece of rusty metal. how would i know what that tastes like in the first place i hear you ask. well, i was a kid once upon a time too you know. *giggle*

then there is the slight cravings for certain foods. i have to say my cravings are really nothing compared to some horror stories i've heard, for example, one for uncooked rice. the constant hunger is another give-away. not having your tummy satiated asap leads to gag-reflex and subsequently vomiting. this, ladies and gents, is what they (the medical experts) refer to as morning sickness, and 'morning' is just a pretty, decorative word.

and only since last week, i've been really tired and exhausted. i sleep more than 9 hours a day, collectively.

not forgetting the emotional roller-coaster i've been on. i cry almost every morning but feel silly once it's all over. i cry because i fear i'll be a lousy mother, for fear that i won't be able to provide for my child, for fear of becoming old and ugly, not to mention fat and stumpy. i cry when i see a character in a movie cry, i cry when i feel nostalgic, and when i miss my grandmother. i cry to about almost anything.

so, i say to myself, if i'm not pregnant, i must be going crazy. sometimes, a woman just knows, and i knew. but to convince my sensible self, i took a hpt.